The Psychology of ‘Girl Math’: How gaslighting helps us rationalize our choices.
- Dr. John Lee
- Sep 20, 2023
- 4 min read
Updated: Dec 15, 2023
In the world of viral Tiktok trends, a new and peculiar phenomenon has emerged: 'Girl Math.' Despite its name, this intriguing trend isn't limited to any gender. It's a window into the human psyche and how we often engage in mental gymnastics to justify our spending choices. In this blog, we'll delve into the psychology of 'Girl Math,' exploring how our seemingly absurd gaslighting tactics help us rationalize financial decisions.
UNDERSTANDING 'GIRL MATH'
Before we dive into the psychology behind it, let's clarify what 'Girl Math' is. It's the art of convincing ourselves that certain financial choices make perfect sense, even when they defy logical reasoning. Here are some examples of Girl Math:
By returning an item, the money you get back is now free money you can spend on something else
Purchasing a super expensive one-piece or dress is okay because it’s like getting a 2 for 1 deal since you don't need to buy a separate top and bottom
If you split a dinner bill with friends and put it on your credit card, the money they give you is essentially "free money" to spend elsewhere
Buying a top-of-the-line grill for the backyard is akin to making money because it saves you from expensive restaurant bills and makes you the neighborhood grill king
Any cash you withdraw from the bank or receive as gifts is not “real money” because real money is only the balance on your digital bank account

THE ROLE OF GASLIGHTING
To comprehend 'Girl Math,' we need to recognize the role of gaslighting in this context. Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation tactic where one attempts to make another person doubt their perception, memory, or reality. In the case of 'Girl Math,' we're not gaslighting others but ourselves. We use purposefully funny and absurd reasoning to distort our financial reality, making it easier to justify spending decisions. We know we’re doing it, and we’re doing it tongue-in-cheek. It’s something logical and yet illogical if you really go deep. We’re both the perpetrator and victim (or beneficiary) of this deliberate “manipulation.”
THE ADAPTIVE SIDE OF 'GIRL MATH'
Believe it or not, 'Girl Math' isn't all bad. There are adaptive aspects to this mental strategy. Small indulgences can serve as a necessary release valve, allowing us to enjoy life without becoming overly anxious about every minor expense. Allowing ourselves these "guilt-free" moments can help us maintain a balanced and enjoyable lifestyle without obsessing over every penny spent.

THE PITFALLS OF RATIONALIZATION
However, there's a fine line between adaptive gaslighting and harmful rationalization. When we start convincing ourselves that significant expenses aren't as important as they are or that we can always "make up" for spending, we're entering dangerous territory. This type of thinking can lead to financial instability and hinder progress towards long-term financial goals. It’s a slippery slope between harmless and fun rationalization, and downright financial irresponsibility and ruin.
PERSONAL ANECDOTES
Let me share a personal anecdote that illustrates how 'Girl Math' initially seemed like a clever strategy but eventually led to some financial pitfalls.
A few years ago, I decided to embrace a healthier lifestyle and opted for a pricey gym membership at a well-known fitness club. I was unsure about making this commitment. But then, I divided the annual membership fee by the number of days in the year, convincing myself that each gym session cost a few dollars. It felt like a brilliant move - investing in my health AND saving money in the long run. Actually, by avoiding all the costs associated with heart disease and obesity, I was actually making money!
For the first couple of months, 'Girl Math' seemed to work like a charm. I diligently hit the gym multiple times a week, and each visit felt like I was getting a significant return on my investment. I relished the thought that I was not only improving my health but also making a financial decision that was clearly a win-win.
However, as life often does, it threw me a curveball. Work commitments piled up, and I found myself with less and less time to hit the gym. Suddenly, the equation I had created with 'Girl Math' began to crumble. The annual fee no longer seemed like a brilliant investment. Instead, it started feeling like a financial burden. I was paying for a service I wasn't fully utilizing, and my initial rationalization began to feel like a flimsy excuse.
In the end, my personal journey with 'Girl Math' taught me a valuable lesson about the importance of staying adaptable in our financial decisions and the power of short term rationalization. While mental shortcuts like 'Girl Math' can be handy for a quick confidence boost, they should never replace a careful and realistic assessment of our financial circumstances. It's essential to strike a balance between enjoying the small pleasures in life and making responsible financial choices that align with our long-term goals.

I love girl math!