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The Problem With “Having It All Together” In University
- Gracie Ward
- Apr 7
- 6 min read
Written by Gracie Ward
On LinkedIn, it probably looks like I have everything together.
I’m in multiple student clubs, I overload my schedule with classes, and I say yes to volunteering whenever I can. It looks impressive on my CV, but it doesn’t really feel like that. Most of the time It feels like I’m constantly trying to keep up with who I think I’m supposed to be, instead of what I can actually handle.
What people don’t see is what it takes to keep that image going. They don’t see the constant mental checklist running in the background of my brain, the pressure I put on myself to not fall behind, or the guilt that shows up the second I slow down. Even when I try to relax, it doesn’t really feel like rest. I’ll be watching TV with my laptop open, tweaking a lab report, finishing a discussion post, or fixing a quick task so it doesn’t feel like wasted time. For a long time, I thought this was just what being motivated looked like. I thought my anxiety was the reason I was successful, and in a way, it was, just not in the way people think.
What was motivating me didn’t feel like the same curiosity I had in high school, when I’d spend hours looking into programs and imagining different futures. Back then, it was actually exciting. Now it just feels like pressure, like I always need to be doing more or doing better. At some point high-functioning anxiety had quietly taken over as the reason behind everything I was doing.
What Is High-Functioning Anxiety?
On the outside, two people can look exactly the same. Both are doing well, meeting deadlines, staying involved, and getting things done. But internally, it can feel completely different. One person is doing things because they want to, while the other is doing things because they feel like they have to. This difference is explained by self-determination theory, which separates motivation into internal and external sources (Ryan & Deci, 2000).
Note. From A closer look at self-determination theory, by Adiutor, 2025, Adiutor (https://adiutor.co/blog/a-closer-look-at-self-determination-theory/)
If most of this feels familiar, you’re not alone. I feel it too, and honestly I think a lot of university students do. At some point, productivity stops coming from genuine motivation and starts coming from pressure, and that shift is easy to miss. It’s not because we’re lazy or don’t care enough, even though it can feel like that sometimes. A lot of it comes from the environment we’re in. Being surrounded by competitive students in the same program as you, constant comparison, and high expectations starts to get to you. Over time, you start to tie your worth to what you achieve, something that has been linked to stress-driven performance patterns rather than a lack of discipline (Pouteau et al., 2018).
Where Does External Motivation Come From?
For a lot of us, this starts earlier than we think. Growing up, we get praised for doing well, for being smart, for being the one who gets things done. At first, it feels good. You enjoy it. But over time, that praise turns into something you feel like you have to live up to. You’re not just doing things because you like them anymore, you’re doing them to prove that you’re still that person. What started as curiosity slowly turns into expectation.
So why doesn’t that just burn out? Because anxiety keeps it going. Staying busy starts to feel like staying in control. When you’re working, applying, or planning ahead, your mind feels quieter. But the second you slow down, the overthinking kicks in.
The Psychology Behind High-Functioning Anxiety
This is where high-functioning anxiety comes in. It’s not an official diagnosis in the DSM-5, but it’s a term often used to describe people who seem put together on the outside while constantly dealing with worry on the inside. In many cases, it overlaps with generalized anxiety disorder, which involves ongoing and excessive worry about everyday situations (Munir & Takov, 2024).
For me, this has been most noticeable during my co-op experience. While working, I also found myself constantly thinking about what I should be doing next, whether that was planning ahead for summer courses or looking into future opportunities. It made it hard to fully stay present in one thing, and really put 100% of myself into the tasks at hand.
At a school like the University of Toronto, it doesn’t get any easier. It’s such a high-achieving environment that it’s easy to feel like you’re always behind, even when you’re doing well. Imposter syndrome starts to feel normal. Then you open LinkedIn, and it just amplifies everything
Note. From High-functioning anxiety: Symptoms, causes, and treatment, by Choosing Therapy, n.d., Choosing Therapy (https://www.choosingtherapy.com/high-functioning-anxiety/
Burnout Disguised as Dedication
The hardest part about all of this is that it blends in perfectly with what university culture rewards. We’re constantly surrounded by the idea that more is better. More involvement, more experience, more achievements. So when you’re constantly pushing yourself, it doesn’t stand out as a problem. If anything, it gets praised.
In work or professional settings, this can look like always trying to prove yourself. Feeling like you’re late if you’re not more than a half hour early. Saying yes to things you don’t actually have time for. Volunteering yourself for tasks even when your schedule is already full, just because you don’t want to let anyone down.
In your personal life, it can look like being the reliable one. Always showing up, always being there for people, always taking on responsibility. But it also means you rarely give yourself the same space to rest.
And in school, it often shows up as perfectionism. For me, I would rather hand something in late than submit it knowing I didn’t give it 100%. It sounds like dedication, but it’s also pressure. It’s the feeling that anything less than your absolute best isn’t acceptable.
What Can You Do About It?
If this feels familiar at all, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It just means your motivation might be coming from a place of pressure instead of choice. A good place to start is just noticing that. Noticing when you’re doing something because it matters to you, versus when you’re doing it because you feel like you have to.
It also helps to rethink rest. If rest always comes with guilt, it’s not really rest. Letting yourself actually step away, without multitasking or trying to be productive at the same time, is something that takes practice.
Pay attention to how you respond to feedback too. If small critiques feel overwhelming, it might not just be about the feedback itself, but about how much you already have on your plate.
And with saying yes to things, even a small pause can make a difference. You don’t always have to respond right away. Giving yourself a second to think about whether you actually have the time or energy can help you avoid overcommitting.
Super valuable and relatable post, thank you for keeping it real!