Nostalgia: A Warm Embrace or a Trap That Keeps You Stuck?
- Marcela Martinez
- Feb 16
- 8 min read
Updated: May 1
Maybe Peter Pan was onto something when he refused to grow up. After all, why do certain moments—a familiar scent, an old song, or a childhood photo—have the power to pull us back in time so effortlessly? That nostalgia we experience often feels like a warm embrace - a comforting reminder of who we were and the simple things in life we cherished. But have you ever noticed how sometimes, the past seems too perfect? As if everything was brighter, simpler, and better than it actually was in reality?
As kids, we lived in our own version of Neverland—a place where summers felt endless, responsibilities were few, and the future was full of possibility. But nostalgia can trick us into believing that Neverland was real, that the past was somehow better than the present. While it can offer comfort, it can also distort reality, leaving us longing for something that may never have truly existed.
So, is nostalgia a gift that enriches our lives, or is it quietly keeping us stuck? Let’s explore the psychology behind this bittersweet phenomenon—how it shapes our emotions, influences our decisions, and sometimes, tricks us into believing the past was a paradise we should return to. More importantly, let’s explore how we can harness nostalgia in a way that enhances our well-being rather than holding us back.
Why Nostalgia is so Powerful
The other day, I was driving behind a school bus, and as I watched the kids wave out the back windows, I couldn’t help but think about how, not too long ago, I was the one sitting in that seat, waving at the cars passing by. It was a strange feeling—being the driver instead of the kid, seeing the world from the other side. That moment made me realize how much has changed over the years, yet how certain memories stay with us, even as our roles shift.
It’s funny how the past sneaks up on you in unexpected ways, pulling you into a moment you didn’t even realize you missed. But what is it about nostalgia that makes it so powerful? Why does it have the ability to transport us so vividly, making the past feel more alive and positive than the present?
Nostalgia is Basically a Warm Hug
Apparently, nostalgia isn’t just something we feel—it actually affects our bodies. Researchers at the University of Southampton found that people who recalled nostalgic memories felt warmer, even when they were in a cold room (Hodgson, 2013). They also noticed we tend to feel nostalgic more often on cold days, almost like our brains are wrapping us in a cozy little memory to keep us warm. Maybe that’s why I still reach for my childhood blanket before bed. It’s not even that soft anymore, but something about it makes me feel safe—like a little piece of the past I get to keep.
Nostalgia Shapes Our Perceptions
I’ve caught myself wondering—was the sky really bluer when I was a kid? Did summers last longer? Or was it just the way I remember them? Turns out, I might not be imagining it. Studies show that children are naturally drawn to brighter, more vivid colors, but as we grow up, our perception shifts (Gyu, 2014; Camgöz, 2000).
On top of that, our brains tend to romanticize the past, enhancing the good parts while smoothing over the bad (Yang et al., 2023). So maybe things did feel more magical back then… or maybe I just didn’t have bills to pay and deadlines to stress over. Either way, nostalgia reminds us of where we’ve been, the people we’ve loved, and the little things that shaped us. And if it makes the past seem a little shinier than it actually was? I think I’m okay with that.
Human Memory is Fundamentally biased
But how much of what we miss is real, and how much is just our brains playing tricks on us? Ever find yourself longing for the “good old days” of 2000s fashion, gel pens, or the way life felt simpler? The truth is, nostalgia doesn’t always reflect reality—it distorts it. So why does the past seem better than it actually was?
Let’s break down three positive psychological memory biases that keep us chasing those “better” days.
Nostalgia Hits Differently for Everyone
It’s fascinating how the same moment can bring comfort to one person while leaving another with an ache for what’s gone. Nostalgia has a way of connecting us to our past, yet the emotions it stirs up aren’t always simple.
For some, nostalgia is a warm embrace—a reminder of carefree days, familiar places, and the people who made us feel safe.
For others, it’s a bittersweet reminder of change, loss, or the realization that things will never be quite the same again. While nostalgia can bring a sense of meaning and connection, it can also cloud our perception of the present, making us long for a past that wasn’t as perfect as we remember.
A few months ago, a girl named Claire Boyer posted a TikTok of her harmonizing with her kitchen fan while making dinner. This viral song ‘Kitchen Fan Lullaby’ is now available on Spotify, YouTube, and other music apps. Nostalgia made it resonate deeply with so many people. And while it stirred up warm memories for some, it triggered feelings of loss for others:
“It's like listening to a childhood memory where it’s summer and everything is alright”
“You just woke up from a bad dream on your mother's lap”
“This sounds so nostalgic yet sad as if this was a happy past before everything was lost”
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The Darkside of Nostalgia
1. When Nostalgia Becomes a Crutch
While nostalgia can be comforting, holding onto the past too tightly can make the present feel dull. It’s easy to romanticize simpler times, but the version we remember is often incomplete. The truth is, trying to recreate past feelings rarely works the way we expect.
The other day, I heard a song I used to play on repeat as a teenager—one of those songs that made me feel like the main character, staring out the car window, imagining some dramatic movie scene. I smiled, expecting that same rush of emotion, but instead, it just felt… different. The lyrics didn’t hit the same, and the melody wasn’t as magical as I remembered. I even tried closing my eyes, picturing my younger self lost in the music, but I couldn’t bring her back. That’s when I realized—nostalgia isn’t always about the song itself. It’s about who you were when you first heard it. And no matter how much I miss that version of me, I can’t press rewind.
2. When Memory Biases Distort Reality
Cognitive biases often make us remember the past as better than it actually was (Mitchell et al., 1997). In one study, participants on a guided tour initially reported stress and discomfort, but later recalled the experience as overwhelmingly enjoyable, downplaying the negatives. This tendency can make us resistant to change or leave us chasing an idealized past that never truly existed. Over time, this can lead to harmful thinking patterns:
a. Rosy Retrospection: Viewing the Past Through a Filter
Rosy retrospection is the tendency to recall past events as more positive than they actually were, while minimizing the difficulties that accompanied them. This bias explains why childhood summers seem endless, why past relationships appear idealized, and why we often believe things were better “back then.” While this perspective can provide comfort, it can also make the present feel dull in comparison, preventing us from fully appreciating the now.
b. Rumination: When Nostalgia Becomes a Trap
Rumination occurs when we get stuck replaying past memories, especially idealized ones, over and over (Schwartz & Ma, 2000). While reminiscing can feel good in the moment, excessive rumination can prevent us from engaging with the present and leave us longing for something that no longer exists. A study by Nolen-Hoeksema (2000) demonstrated that rumination is linked to higher levels of depression and anxiety. People who ruminate tend to dwell on distressing memories without finding solutions, reinforcing their negative emotional state.
c. Chronophobia: The Fear of Time Slipping Away
Another way nostalgia can take a darker turn is through chronophobia—the fear of time passing too quickly (Naguy et al., 2020). Zhou et al. (2020) found that while nostalgia offered temporary relief from loneliness and anxiety, it also strengthened the perception that the future could never measure up to the past, making it harder to appreciate the present. This cycle reveals a paradox: nostalgia can provide comfort, but when relied upon too heavily, it can make moving forward feel impossible.
Ways to Balance the Present and the Past
Nostalgia doesn’t have to pull you away from the present—it can be a beautiful part of your journey. But if you’re looking for a little balance, try this: grab a paper and pen (or your notes app, if that’s your go-to (I’m definitely Team Notes app). Write down those cherished memories, but also capture the exciting things happening right now. I’ve tried it myself, and it’s a simple trick that brings everything into focus in the best way.
Past: “My aunt used to make really good pizzas for me and my cousins as we were growing up”
Present: “Right now, I’m eating pizza alone, and it’s the most peaceful thing I’ve done all day.”
Putting two together: “I cherish the time I spent with my family eating pizza, and now this comforting food brings me peace even when I’m on my own.”
This way, you're appreciating both the past and present without getting lost in one.
Everything mentioned I truly felt to my soul. So accurate!
Such heart warming insights, interspersed with science. Loved reading it!