If you had asked me five years ago what I thought my twenties would look like, I probably would’ve said something along the lines of spontaneous travel, late nights with friends, and living freely... NOT budgeting for tuition, calculating rent down to the dollar, or choosing between brunch and a night out.
The truth is, I’m incredibly lucky to have support from my family, and I know many people face even greater financial burdens than I do. But moving away from home and managing the majority of my responsibilities on my own — from rent and groceries to school fees and everything in between — has still come with its challenges. And with that, a quiet but constant question I think a lot of us carry:
How do we make peace with our financial decisions in a decade that’s supposed to be our most carefree?
There’s this cultural expectation that your twenties are the time to “live your life.” We’re told this is our chance to make mistakes, take risks, travel the world, and say yes to every adventure. But for many of us, even with support, that version of our twenties just doesn’t line up with financial reality. I think about this a lot, especially last winter, when a group of my friends booked a trip to Cuba. It was spontaneous and exciting — the kind of thing we’re all supposed to be doing at this age. But when I saw the cost, I knew I couldn’t make it work without putting myself in debt. So, I stayed home. I worked while they posted beach photos. And while I knew I made the responsible choice, it didn’t feel easy. It felt like I was missing out on something I was supposed to be doing.
I've had moments like that where I pause before tapping my debit card and think: Is this worth it? Will I regret not doing more when I’m older? Or worse, will I regret doing too much when I’m trying to afford a home or raise a family someday?
It’s a tough balance, and it’s not just about dollars and cents. It’s about values, identity, and the kind of life you want to build, both now and in the future.
The Psychology of Spending and Saving
One psychological concept that helped me understand this internal tug-of-war is the idea of the “future self.” Psychologists have found that people who feel more connected to their future selves — the version of them 5, 10, or 20 years from now — are more likely to make wise financial decisions today. It’s kind of like thinking of your future self as a close friend. You wouldn’t want to leave them buried in debt or struggling to catch up.
But here’s the catch: if we spend all of our time preparing for the future, we risk missing the present entirely.
I’ve learned that financial wellness isn’t just about saving, it’s about spending intentionally. That’s something I truly started to understand when I began working for Dr. Lee, a psychologist with a passion for finance and investing. One of the first things he taught me was the principle of “paying yourself first.” Every month, before I think about spending, I contribute to my Tax Free Savings Account by purchasing a diversified ETF investing in the S&P 500. It’s not a huge amount — I’m still a student, after all — but it’s consistent. And that consistency makes me feel like I’m doing something for my future self, even if it’s small.
Knowing I’ve already set money aside allows me to spend what’s left over guilt-free. Whether that’s dinner with friends, concert tickets, or even the occasional spontaneous trip, I know I’m not choosing one life over another. I’m building both.
Living Freely Without Losing Your Ground
There’s also something to be said about the psychology of delayed gratification. We know from classic studies (like the Stanford marshmallow experiment) that the ability to delay rewards is associated with better outcomes in life, from academic achievement to financial success. But in today’s world, where social media constantly shows us our peers jet-setting, buying new clothes, or living seemingly extravagant lifestyles, delaying gratification can feel impossible, and honestly, isolating.
So how do we cope?
For me, it’s come down to a few mindset shifts:
Not everything that looks fun is worth going into debt for, and not everything financially “responsible” is the right choice in every situation.
Not all expenses are equal. A thoughtful trip abroad that broadens your worldview? That might be a meaningful investment in your personal growth. A night out you don’t even remember? Probably not worth it. The key is aligning your spending with your values—without compromising your future stability.
Building good financial habits early doesn’t mean giving up on being young — it just means you’re being intentional.
You’re Allowed to Live, Too
There’s no universal blueprint for your twenties. Some people are thriving financially, others are just getting by. Some are buying houses, others are living in tiny apartments and paying off student loans. And honestly, both are valid.
So if you’re like me, trying to build a life that balances joy, security, freedom, and responsibility, I just want to say: you're not alone.
Put a little away for your future self. Build habits that will serve you long-term. But also, take the trip. Go out with your friends. Make a few mistakes. This is your life, and you deserve to live it, even while you're still figuring it out.
Let your twenties be messy, meaningful, and mindful, all at the same time.
Your financial life doesn’t have to be black and white. It can hold structure and spontaneity, discipline and delight. It can support both your dreams for the future and your desire to live meaningfully today.
So give yourself permission to be both financially mindful and joyfully alive.
Resources
The culture how one should spend their 20s is really confining because its actually a time to explore and figure things out as people are thrust into the world. I think the phrase 'comparison is the thief of joy' is extremely applicable to this conversation especially in the age of social media. Everyones lives are their own and placing expectations to live and spend a certain way can add stressors to someones life in a time that already feels very uncertain and overwhelming.